About Me

Name: Liz

Location: New York

I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

Still feeling negative and very sad. These past few days have been hard. I have to keep pretending that I'm okay... I hate that.

Today I could not keep it in any longer. I cried for hours and unfortunately I don't feel better. I can't find anything positive to hold on to...there is no glimmer of hope nearby. I think since it is going to happen soon I am flooded with all these different emotions and here I thought my emotional roller coaster was at a hault. Nope, it's going at full force.

I tried talking to Ivan and explaining why I am feeling so negative. He's trying to be hopeful but like he said it's easier for him. I'm trying to prepare myself for the possibilty that it might not work...there is only a 40% chance. I know it's more of a chance then what I have right now but it's hard to be positive. I am scared and then there's the anger.

Some how I have to turn the negativity into optimism. I'm still in the "accepting" part of all this. Accepting that life isn't always how we want it to be. Accepting that I have no control over what is happening. Accepting that in the end all I can do is hope and pray.

I will continue in my quest of full acceptance, closure and moving on to what is ahead. Hopefully, hope will be there by my side.

When Nature Is Not Enough
IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
About Me Name: Liz Location: New York I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. View my complete profile	Wednesday, May 25, 2005 Hope....Where Are You?!! Still feeling negative and very sad. These past few days have been hard. I have to keep pretending that I'm okay... I hate that. Today I could not keep it in any longer. I cried for hours and unfortunately I don't feel better. I can't find anything positive to hold on to...there is no glimmer of hope nearby. I think since it is going to happen soon I am flooded with all these different emotions and here I thought my emotional roller coaster was at a hault. Nope, it's going at full force. I tried talking to Ivan and explaining why I am feeling so negative. He's trying to be hopeful but like he said it's easier for him. I'm trying to prepare myself for the possibilty that it might not work...there is only a 40% chance. I know it's more of a chance then what I have right now but it's hard to be positive. I am scared and then there's the anger. Some how I have to turn the negativity into optimism. I'm still in the "accepting" part of all this. Accepting that life isn't always how we want it to be. Accepting that I have no control over what is happening. Accepting that in the end all I can do is hope and pray. I will continue in my quest of full acceptance, closure and moving on to what is ahead. Hopefully, hope will be there by my side. \| posted by Liz at 2:01 PM \| 4 Comments: Jenn commented at 8:47 AM~ I am a step away from where you are...and I know how hard it can be...we were told that "it only takes one time" growing up...I thought having babies would be a breeze. It seems so unfair sometimes. I know this may sound empty right now...but when you are holding your baby in your arms you will know that this LONG CRAPPY journey was worth it. I hope you start feeling a little better. Anonymous commented at 7:50 PM~ I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way. I wish I could bottle hope up and send it to you. I will keep praying that things work out for you. You're in my thoughts. Ally commented at 8:24 AM~ It sucks Liz...we all know that all too well but someone we persevere and move onward. Babies are so worth it!!! Chin up grasshgopper!! Jenna commented at 1:02 PM~ Liz, I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I hope that you are able to find your hope. I wish I could be more encouraging. You are in my thoughts. Jenna Want to Post a Comment? back to main page
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