About Me

Name: Liz

Location: New York

I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

Lately I've been feeling very negative. I'm trying to be hopeful but sometimes it's so hard. Every day is a different feeling. One day I'm okay but I wouldn't say happy and then I just get angry, sad, and confused. You would think by now I would be able to be in control of my feelings but it seems to be getting worse. I feel as if I have no control, I don't know what to think or how to feel.

It's hard when I don't have someone to talk to. I try to talk to Ivan but then he perceives it as if I am complaining about him because he can't fix things. While talking to my GF last week I realized why I've isolated myself. She suggested that I find comfort in the boards because there is no face-to face contact. I tried to explain but of course she did not understand. The reality is I find comfort in the fact that I am not held accountable for what I say. I am validated and most of all I am understood.

I wish I could just go day by day without feeling anything. I hate infertility. I hate that it exists. I hate that people have to go through this. I hate that it causes so much pain. Infertility sucks and hurts.

Why am I so angry? Why can't I accept this and try to move on? In so many ways infertility has taken so much from me. Besides my ability to conceive naturally I have allowed it to take my happiness.

I have about 4-5 weeks before I start IVF and I feel the need to process these feelings before I go through with it. I don't want to harbor this anger any more.

When Nature Is Not Enough
IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
About Me Name: Liz Location: New York I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. View my complete profile	Sunday, May 22, 2005 Negative Feelings Lately I've been feeling very negative. I'm trying to be hopeful but sometimes it's so hard. Every day is a different feeling. One day I'm okay but I wouldn't say happy and then I just get angry, sad, and confused. You would think by now I would be able to be in control of my feelings but it seems to be getting worse. I feel as if I have no control, I don't know what to think or how to feel. It's hard when I don't have someone to talk to. I try to talk to Ivan but then he perceives it as if I am complaining about him because he can't fix things. While talking to my GF last week I realized why I've isolated myself. She suggested that I find comfort in the boards because there is no face-to face contact. I tried to explain but of course she did not understand. The reality is I find comfort in the fact that I am not held accountable for what I say. I am validated and most of all I am understood. I wish I could just go day by day without feeling anything. I hate infertility. I hate that it exists. I hate that people have to go through this. I hate that it causes so much pain. Infertility sucks and hurts. Why am I so angry? Why can't I accept this and try to move on? In so many ways infertility has taken so much from me. Besides my ability to conceive naturally I have allowed it to take my happiness. I have about 4-5 weeks before I start IVF and I feel the need to process these feelings before I go through with it. I don't want to harbor this anger any more. \| posted by Liz at 10:30 PM \| 3 Comments: Ally commented at 4:34 PM~ Liz, Ive been where you are. I know my TTC days are numbered since it's only a few more months til I turn 40. I sure hope you get over them and can look forward to a healthy baby soon. Jenna commented at 10:46 PM~ Wow! I felt like I was reading a post that I wrote. I am sorry that you are feeling this way, hey I am sorry that I am feeling this way and all the rest of us infertiles feel like this. I wish I could say something to make it better. I can hope that IF is over for you soon. You will be in my thoughts and I hope it gets better. Jenna Anonymous commented at 11:44 PM~ I'm so sorry for what you are going through. You don't know how much I wish I could make things better for you. I'm sad and angry that you have to go through this. I'm thinking of you and praying that you will get your miracle very soon. Want to Post a Comment? back to main page
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