About Me

Name: Liz

Location: New York

I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

I started to bleed very late last night. I went to the clinic today and met with the doctor. My pregnancy was a "biochemical" pregnancy. I was pregnant but the pregnancy stopped developing so soon that the hcg level was already dropping before I started to bleed.

These past two days I've been thinking about so many things and as much as I didn't want to get angry I can't help it. I feel as if this was a cruel joke. I wish it had just been a negative to begin with. Although I feared from the beginning that there might be a problem there was no way of preparing for how I would feel when the bleeding started.

This has been one hell of a year for disappointments and I feel as if I have to prepare myself for more to come. Unfortunately, this experience has helped to reinforce my pessimistic attitude. I went to church yesterday because I didn't want to be angry and I was hoping I would leave with a sense of peace. I left feeling empty and knowing that I would continue feeling this way for a while. I'm holding on to the belief that I will be a mother some day. It is the only thing that is keeping me "together" right now.

I can't explain the emptiness I feel. I can't explain how angry I am at my body for letting me down again. I went through the WHY IS THIS HAPPENING and of course it made me angrier.

This loss has been particularly difficult for Ivan. I think now he is starting to come to the realization that we do have a problem. For so long he has been positive and hopeful but that came tumbling down this weekend.

I will continue in my journey and hope for a baby. We will meet with the doctor in 2 weeks to discuss when we can begin another cycle. We decided we will try 2 more times.

*** Thank you so much for your support and comforting words. It is wonderful to have people who understand and care. ****

When Nature Is Not Enough
IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
About Me Name: Liz Location: New York I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. View my complete profile	Monday, August 22, 2005 The journey continues... I started to bleed very late last night. I went to the clinic today and met with the doctor. My pregnancy was a "biochemical" pregnancy. I was pregnant but the pregnancy stopped developing so soon that the hcg level was already dropping before I started to bleed. These past two days I've been thinking about so many things and as much as I didn't want to get angry I can't help it. I feel as if this was a cruel joke. I wish it had just been a negative to begin with. Although I feared from the beginning that there might be a problem there was no way of preparing for how I would feel when the bleeding started. This has been one hell of a year for disappointments and I feel as if I have to prepare myself for more to come. Unfortunately, this experience has helped to reinforce my pessimistic attitude. I went to church yesterday because I didn't want to be angry and I was hoping I would leave with a sense of peace. I left feeling empty and knowing that I would continue feeling this way for a while. I'm holding on to the belief that I will be a mother some day. It is the only thing that is keeping me "together" right now. I can't explain the emptiness I feel. I can't explain how angry I am at my body for letting me down again. I went through the WHY IS THIS HAPPENING and of course it made me angrier. This loss has been particularly difficult for Ivan. I think now he is starting to come to the realization that we do have a problem. For so long he has been positive and hopeful but that came tumbling down this weekend. I will continue in my journey and hope for a baby. We will meet with the doctor in 2 weeks to discuss when we can begin another cycle. We decided we will try 2 more times. * Thank you so much for your support and comforting words. It is wonderful to have people who understand and care. ** \| posted by Liz at 8:01 PM \| 7 Comments: C commented at 10:33 PM~ Sending you some cyber hugs. You are a strong and amazing woman. You can do this! Thanks for all the support you give me and I hope I can return the favor. (((((hugs)))))) Jenna commented at 11:22 PM~ Liz, Again I am so sorry, it is all I can really say. I really hate that you are having to go through this. I think this pain and emptiness is something that no person should have to go through. I hope that you and Ivan are able to find comfort in each other. You are in my thoughts. Anonymous commented at 10:40 AM~ I'm sorry for your loss and for all that you are feeling. I know the anger and pain that you are feeling. I know it's hard right now but don't give up on your dream...you will have a baby. Allie commented at 12:31 PM~ Liz, I am so proud of your strength. I know this is a difficult time, probably the most difficult you'll ever endure, but you are so strong. We both are. My mom and I think of you everyday and talk about you often. Praying for you and Ivan and wondering why bad things happen to good people. It's not fair. But I like to think that someday we will be rewarded for our heartache. I am so glad you are going to continue to try - we have to believe that it will work for us and keep going. We are good people and will be wonderful moms. Sending you hugs and love, Allie Sporty commented at 1:27 PM~ I am sorry that you are having to go through this Liz. If there is anything that I can do, let me know. Take care and my thoughts and prayers go out to you and Ivan. Chasity Ally commented at 1:33 PM~ Liz, Words cannot describe my sorrow for you and Ivan. I wish you all the strength and courage in this difficult time. If you need anything, please let me know. Thinking of you, Ally Heather P. commented at 3:06 PM~ Liz, I am so sorry. I can only say that I can empathize with how you are feeling. I haven't been there. I have had losses 2 of them both from fertility treatments. I have never lossed so close to the positive. Sending you tons of sticky baby glue for your next attempt. I am saying prayers for you and Ivan. Want to Post a Comment? back to main page
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