When Nature Is Not Enough
    When Nature Is Not Enough

    IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
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    About Me

    Name: Liz
    Location: New York

    I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

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    Saturday, August 20, 2005

    Waiting for the inevitable....

    I spent the day today trying not to think, trying not to feel anything. My beta today was 36. The doctor explained that it could either be an ectopic or I am going to miscarry (started spotting today). Everything she said I had already told myself. There was no need for questions because I know what the answers are. I have to go back on Monday for another beta and then we will proceed. There is no hope, it died a long time ago... thank you infertility...just another thing you took from me.


    8/21/05
    Another day of waiting, another day of pain. I'm angry that this is happening. I'm angry that I allowed myself to actually believe that it was going to work out. I knew there was a problem from the beginning but I wanted to believe so badly. I hate that believing in a dream and wanting something can be such a scary and painful thing.


    | posted by Liz at 9:07 PM |


    13 Comments:

    Blogger Ally commented at 10:16 PM~  

    I am so sorry Liz. I really hope you can find the strength to get through this difficult situation.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Call me anytime.

    Blogger Mrs. D. commented at 9:36 AM~  

    Oh Liz... I am so sorry. I know that nothing I say can help... but I do know how you are feeling. I myself have been victim to non-doubling hcg... twice. If you need some support or if you have questions I am here for you.

    Again... I am so sorry this is happening to you.

    Blogger Jessigirl commented at 10:12 AM~  

    Liz, I'm sorry you are going through so much pain right now. You are in my prayers. Take care of yourself!

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 10:26 AM~  

    Liz, I am so sorry for what you are going through. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your DH.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 10:42 AM~  

    Another thing to add to my list of questions to ask God when I get up there because I just don't get it.

    I am so sorry.

    Blogger Jenna commented at 11:25 AM~  

    Liz,
    I am so sorry, I really wished we lived closer so I could come over and be there for you. Please call me if there is anything I can do for you. As always and even more you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish there was anything I could say to make it better.
    Love,
    Jenna

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 11:55 AM~  

    i'm so so sorry - you have every right to be angry - thinking of you

    Blogger Allie commented at 12:18 PM~  

    Liz, Words cannot express... I'm so sorry. Sending you hugs across the internet. Thinking of you, praying for you. I am here if you need someone to vent to. - Allie

    Blogger Heather commented at 1:02 PM~  

    Liz, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you through this difficult time. May God grant you the strength to get through this.

    Heather M.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 2:16 PM~  

    Stay strong Liz, cry as much as you want, and don't give up hope in having a baby. I know the pain of a m/c and failed cycles. It feels as if it leaves a hole in your heart where all your hopes and dreams are draining out, sometimes to help let go of the hurt. Remember that no matter how spent you feel, the incredible love, caring, and joy you have to give a child is still inside you and those things will help fill your heart again!

    Take time to mourn but don't give up hope.

    Blogger Jenn commented at 6:53 PM~  

    Liz - I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I wish I had some words to make it better but I don't. Please know that I am thinking about you and you are in my thoughts and prayers.

    Blogger Sporty commented at 8:16 AM~  

    I am so sorry Liz. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. I pray that you will have the strength to make it through these difficult times.

    Chasity

    Blogger Heather P. commented at 10:06 AM~  

    So sorry to hear that Liz.Please feel free to email me. pleasantswife@aol.com I have had 2 losses and infertility so I know what and understand what you are going thru
    Heather

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