About Me

Name: Liz

Location: New York

I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

Sometimes in order to go forward, in order to go on you have to accept things. For me, it means accepting that I'm in pain...I'm sad and angry and that is stopping me from being totally happy. I complain about IF but I've given it that power. I'm realizing and understanding that what I'm going through is one of the stages of grief. I'm accepting that I'm infertile...baby making challenged. I feel I need to accept this but not give up on my dream.

Over the weekend I spoke with Ivan and I just felt so terrible for him. It's my fault we can't have a baby and I see the pain in his eyes. He said the sweetest thing to me that made me feel so loved and made me realize just how blessed I am.

I'm also starting to accept that people will say insensitive things and there is nothing I can do about it. Getting angry makes me feel worse. If I just remember that this will happen then I won't take it so personal and at times hold grudges. I'm not saying they are right for being insensitive but I need to remember that although well intentioned they do not understand.

I think I am going to allow myself to move forward and maybe even feel happiness. I'm looking forward to our 3rd anniversary next week and our vacation in London. I will just "be in the moment" and accept the good things that I have.

When Nature Is Not Enough
IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
About Me Name: Liz Location: New York I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. View my complete profile	Monday, September 12, 2005 Acceptance Sometimes in order to go forward, in order to go on you have to accept things. For me, it means accepting that I'm in pain...I'm sad and angry and that is stopping me from being totally happy. I complain about IF but I've given it that power. I'm realizing and understanding that what I'm going through is one of the stages of grief. I'm accepting that I'm infertile...baby making challenged. I feel I need to accept this but not give up on my dream. Over the weekend I spoke with Ivan and I just felt so terrible for him. It's my fault we can't have a baby and I see the pain in his eyes. He said the sweetest thing to me that made me feel so loved and made me realize just how blessed I am. I'm also starting to accept that people will say insensitive things and there is nothing I can do about it. Getting angry makes me feel worse. If I just remember that this will happen then I won't take it so personal and at times hold grudges. I'm not saying they are right for being insensitive but I need to remember that although well intentioned they do not understand. I think I am going to allow myself to move forward and maybe even feel happiness. I'm looking forward to our 3rd anniversary next week and our vacation in London. I will just "be in the moment" and accept the good things that I have. \| posted by Liz at 9:12 PM \| 5 Comments: Jenna commented at 10:58 PM~ Liz- you are in such a good place. Thanks for sharing that, I hope that it can inspire me to do the same. It is a really hard place to get to, but I, like you, want to be happy again. I hope that you are able to enjoy your anniversary, London sounds like it will be wonderful. Hugs, Jenna Anonymous commented at 7:56 AM~ Liz - Please don't say it is your "fault". You didn't sign on for this or make any conscious decision to make this your fault or anyone elses. Ivan knows that. You have to know it too. Heather P. commented at 3:17 PM~ Liz, That was wonderfully written. I know exactly how you feel when you say that it is your fault. I feel the same way. I have even told Carl to go and have an affair. It would be easier then what we have gone thru to try and still be without a baby in the arms. Infertility sucks in every way buy only you can let it rule your life. I know that it has consumed me for the last 3 years. I so hope that the next time is the one for you. Anonymous commented at 1:24 PM~ Oh my - Liz I have no idea how I posted as Jenna - but it's JEN not Jenna. LOL Sporty commented at 12:23 PM~ You seem to be doing much better Liz. I hope that you have a wonderful anniversary and wonderful trip. Sounds like it will be a lot of fun! Take care. Want to Post a Comment? back to main page
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