- Name: Liz
- Location: New York
I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.
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Friday, November 11, 2005
It's official....BFN
I got the call a little while ago. I must admit that despite the BFN on the HPT I was still hoping there might be a chance....who was I kidding. I knew the odds were against us but I'm glad I gave it a try. I would have wondered "what could have been" if I hadn't done the transfer with these embies.
I feel empty and sort of numb. When I saw there was only 1 line I was okay...I was expecting it. I didn't know how I would tell Ivan. He was still sleeping when I did the test. He woke up and saw me walking around and asked what was wrong. I told him and then he held me while I cried. It was so good to let it out and have him comfort me.
I keep telling myself it just wasn't meant to be but that doesn't help ease the pain...I guess time will.
| posted by Liz at 3:28 PM |
13 Comments:
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commented at 4:10 PM~
I wish there was something I could say. My heart is aching for both you and Ivan.
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Jenna commented at 4:45 PM~
I am so sorry!! It just sucks! I hope that you are doing okay, you are in my thoughts and prayers. I wish I had something to say to make it better. Anything I can do let me know. Hugs, Jenna
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commented at 9:49 AM~
Oh Liz, I am so sorry. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. I know the next couple of days will be hard, remember there are people who are thinking of you and wish you well.
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commented at 11:48 AM~
Oh Liz I'm so sorry. That's really sad news. Even if you were part expecting it, it doesn't make it better. Thinking of you.
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Ally commented at 6:18 PM~
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Ally commented at 6:18 PM~
I'm sorry Liz...I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better.
My thoughts are with you.
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Jenna commented at 1:38 AM~
Liz- just wanted to tell you, your new blinkie is depressing, I hope you are doing okay.
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commented at 12:57 PM~
Oh Liz, I'm so sorry :( Thinking of you and hoping each day will be easier.
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commented at 12:58 PM~
P.S. I understand the meaning behind your blinkie...express how you feel.
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commented at 10:36 AM~
I am saddened to learn about this newest disappointment. I can only imagine how painful this must be for you and for Ivan. I am so sorry.
My continued prayer for you is that you will be sustained during this very difficult time, that you will feel loved and supported by those who care about you, that you and Ivan will grow as a couple despite your shared heartache. Your strength in all of this is humbling. Love, Andrea
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Sporty commented at 11:02 AM~
I'm sorry Liz. Wish there was something that I could say or do to make you feel better and take away your pain.
Thinking of you, Chasity
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Sporty commented at 11:02 AM~
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Allie commented at 6:36 PM~
Oh Liz, there are no words. I'm so very sorry. I am thinking about you as always and will continue to keep you and Ivan in my prayers. I read the comments from these other wonderful women and I think to myself how I wish we could cry all the tears in the world for you so you wouldn't have to feel this pain. Please email me if you need a buddy. I am here for you. Love, Allie
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