- Name: Liz
- Location: New York
I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.
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Monday, November 28, 2005
Life sometimes just sucks
The last couple of days haven't been easy. The holidays just depress me. It's about family and my "addition" is missing. I'm tired of pretending and I don't think I can keep it up for long.I have a couple of things going on that are bothering me. I had a falling out with 3 of my closest friends. I guess we are all at fault but right now all I can see is how they let me down. My GF told me last night that she misses the way I use to be...I miss who I was. I'm disappointed and angry that they haven't been as supportive as I would have liked them to be. I have a tendency to shut down when something happens but now is not the time for them to "respect" that. Should I be angry at them for not making attempts or should I be angry at myself for shutting people out? I'm dreading the holidays. I don't want to celebrate....I don't feel like celebrating. I'm considering just staying home and going to mass on Christmas Eve...it will bring me peace and that's what I need right now.I see myself getting bitter. It's just hard to find the positive in things right now.
| posted by Liz at 10:58 PM |
6 Comments:
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commented at 9:55 AM~
Sorry to hear you're having problems with your friends...sometimes it's so difficult for others to understand what we are going through. I hope things will get better.
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Jenna commented at 12:46 PM~
I am sorry you are having a hard time with your friends. Don't blame yourself for shutting them out, it is just hard right now, and they can't even begin to understand. I am with you though, and think they should still try to understand. I hope that you guys can patch things up and try to see each other eye to eye, or at least eye to stomach. I hope the holidays are better then you are thinking they will be. Midnight mass sounds great. I hope you are able to find peace and hope.
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commented at 4:00 PM~
It's very frustrating when our friends don't understand how we are feeling. Remember you're not alone.
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Shell commented at 6:03 PM~
Liz~ so sorry that you are feeling down...I totally understand and don't blame you for not wanting to celebrate. My RL friends dont understand any of this IF business either,that is why I have you guys online...we are a sisterhood, we are here for you, good and bad...my whole life is revolving around next weeks test...I know I wont want to celebrate if I have a negative...take care of yourself and know that we are here for you!!
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commented at 9:41 PM~
Sorry you're having a rough time right now. I know it's hard when your friends don't understand what you are going through...we're here for you. Hope things will get better and always do what's best for you.
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commented at 4:04 PM~
I think that sometimes people have no idea how to react when you tell them about the IVF. I have a few friends that I correspond via email with quite frequently. In July, I had mentioned to my friend that I had found out that the only way we were going to conceive was through IVF. She didn't respond for 2 weeks! It is hard enough first to accept it all and then, to actually want to tell someone.. and then no response. Another friend back in Oct, who I confided in (and she was 9 months pregnant) encouraged me to let her know what was going on and that she had free time to "chat" since she was on Maternity Leave, etc,. So I write her a long message about some serious issues (stress) my DH and I were having, and guess what! She doesn't email me back, and what she does instead is call me 3 weeks later to tell me that she had her baby, view the baby pic at this website blah blah... I truly understand your frustration...but I have come to the conclusion that people just don't know how to react when they hear IVF. I will of course forgive my friends for their utter ignorance, however forgeting about it is another matter. Good luck with your next cycle in 2006.
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