About Me

Name: Liz

Location: New York

I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

Still feeling down. Just can't find anything to be happy or content with. This cycle just got me down. Ivan has been noticing and I have to pretend that I'm just tired but I'm not tired. I'm angry and sad. Sad for what I don't have and angry that my body isn't cooperating. Why does it have to be so difficult? Why do we have to go through this? Why can't it be easier? Why oh why?!?!

I know I won't get any answers to this but just expressing it feels good. I want to yell but at the same time I don't have the energy. I'm emotionally and physically drained.

I feel negative about everything. It's hard to be hopeful for me or for anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone because if I do I will just cry. Email is my mode of communication and even that I'm starting to censor.

Yep, I've hit a low. I feel as if I'm in the bottom of a pit and I'm going to stay there. First because I can't get out and second because I'm afraid to. There aren't any words to make me feel better because what I need, what I want is a guarantee and that is impossible.

When Nature Is Not Enough
IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
About Me Name: Liz Location: New York I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. View my complete profile	Friday, December 02, 2005 Call me Ms. Negative Still feeling down. Just can't find anything to be happy or content with. This cycle just got me down. Ivan has been noticing and I have to pretend that I'm just tired but I'm not tired. I'm angry and sad. Sad for what I don't have and angry that my body isn't cooperating. Why does it have to be so difficult? Why do we have to go through this? Why can't it be easier? Why oh why?!?! I know I won't get any answers to this but just expressing it feels good. I want to yell but at the same time I don't have the energy. I'm emotionally and physically drained. I feel negative about everything. It's hard to be hopeful for me or for anyone. I don't want to talk to anyone because if I do I will just cry. Email is my mode of communication and even that I'm starting to censor. Yep, I've hit a low. I feel as if I'm in the bottom of a pit and I'm going to stay there. First because I can't get out and second because I'm afraid to. There aren't any words to make me feel better because what I need, what I want is a guarantee and that is impossible. \| posted by Liz at 12:59 PM \| 7 Comments: Allie commented at 1:12 PM~ You are allowed to feel whatever you feel for as long as you feel it. You have been through a lot and I just think you are so strong, even if you feel negative right now. Whether you know it or not, you are a hero and represent such courage to so many people. Including me. Email me if you need a friend. Thinking of you... Anonymous commented at 1:42 PM~ Oh Liz... well said. Infertility is so heartbreaking, and the only people who truly understand are those of us in the common hell. I hope your dreams come true soon. Anonymous commented at 1:42 PM~ I'm sorry you are feeling negative. I truly wish there was something I could do/say to make you feel better. Thinking of you. Anonymous commented at 2:13 PM~ Liz, I am so sorry for all that you are going through...you definitely don't deserve this. Wish I could take your pain away and make things better. I'm here for you always. Jenna commented at 12:54 PM~ Liz, I am so sorry that you are feeling so down and you have hit a low. I can't imagine what you are going through, I know it is so hard. You are in my thoughts everyday. Please know that I am here if you ever need to talk or cry or anything. Love, Jenna Heather P. commented at 7:26 AM~ Liz, I am sorry that I have been such a bad blogger lately! I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. I got counceling when we had our cancelled cycle of IVF. I have continued with it through everything and it has helped me enormoulsy with the stress of infertility. Anonymous commented at 1:55 PM~ Please please don't feel bad about how you're feeling. It's awful to have a failed cycle, it just does take time to get over it. Men are good at moving on to the next thing, we're not made that way. Do give yourself the time you need. Want to Post a Comment? back to main page
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