When Nature Is Not Enough
    When Nature Is Not Enough

    IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    About Me

    Name: Liz
    Location: New York

    I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

    View my complete profile

    Tuesday, December 20, 2005

    Hope and Peace

    I'm up to chapter 5 in Water From the Rock. I've read the chapter (Hope and Peace) about 3 times and I'm struggling with it. I understand what they are trying to say but can't apply it. It goes into detail about how hope will help us face all obstacles. Having hope gives us peace. It describes how Hannah had faith and hope that God would help her and that gave her the peace to go on with her life. How can I do that?

    I'm riddled with sadness, anger, jealousy, bitterness and resentment. As you can see hope and peace are missing. At times I guess I am hopeful. Deep down I know things won't always be this way. I guess that's hope giving me the push to continue. I don't want to give up. Yes, I know there are times when I just want to say F*** it and just call it quits but I can't. Quitting would mean giving up my dream and I'm not ready for that. Will I ever be ready...I don't even want to think about that.

    As I read I had many questions - how do I find hope in the midst of my pain? How can I hold on to a dream that each day seems to be slipping away? How can I be at peace when I am grieving and in much pain? I still don't have the answers but for some reason reading the chapter and the scriptures gave me a sense of strength. I took the chapter as a sign that I shouldn't give up and I have to hold on to all the hope I have.

    I know it's hard for all of us but we must believe and hold on to hope.


    | posted by Liz at 11:11 AM |


    9 Comments:

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 11:57 AM~  

    That book helped me so much...hope it helps you through your journey.

    I know how hard it is to find and hold on to hope, especially when we are faced with IF. You are so right...we have to find hope and not let go.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 4:22 PM~  

    Why do things have to be so difficult? With all that we have to face hope is sometimes not easy to have. Hope you will find hope and inner peace.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 7:51 PM~  

    I'm so sorry that you are struggling to find peace and hold on to hope. I wish there was a way to make it easier for you. In the meantime, remember there are many cheering you on who are hopeful for you.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 6:26 PM~  

    Hope--what a difficult thing to have. I know how difficult things have been and I hope things will improve. Thinking of you.

    Blogger Heather P. commented at 8:23 PM~  

    The reason that you don't end your journey is because you have hope. Hope is what makes us give all of this another try month after month. We may not see it or feel it but it is there making us move on.

    Blogger M commented at 8:53 PM~  

    Liz-- I have been reading a book called For Couples Longing to have Children. It's a bit spiritual-- but not really religious- if that makes sense.

    I'm a little behind on things here. I saw in your profile that IVF #3 is in Jan? Is that still the plan? When do you start injections?

    Blogger Rebecca commented at 11:45 PM~  

    I'm glad you're finding strength from the book. Hope is there. It may be buried under the sad and angry feelings and hard to find sometimes, but it's there.

    When you feel your grip on hope slipping, remember all of those who are here and holding on to hope for you.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 5:01 PM~  

    Hoping all will go well with your cycle!

    Blogger Timea commented at 10:56 PM~  

    Liz-

    Thanks for always responding so much on my blog:)

    I feel your pain on this roller coster ride of emotions. Sometimes hope grabs me and I feel elated, and sometimes it hits me how hard this all is.

    I hope this IVF cycle works for you!!! Third time is a charm!!

    Timea

    Want to Post a Comment?

    back to main page

    powered by Blogger | designed by mela