About Me

Name: Liz

Location: New York

I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

Christmas is over and New Year's is just a couple of days away. I'm so glad the holidays will be over.

Christmas was okay. Christmas Eve I was feeling very down. Ivan was worried and took the day off. Although I appreciated the gesture I wished he had gone to work. I needed to be alone and he had difficulty seeing me moping around.

Before going to my FIL's for dinner I spoke with my sister....what a mistake. The conversation was going well until we started talking about faith. She believes if Ivan were to go to church things might work out. She went on and on about how I need to leave things in God's hands and accept what happens. I told her I was doing that and she alluded that by continuing with IVF after this cycle I was not. She reminded me that there were other options and that maybe that is what God wants for us. I got very upset and ended the call.

I went to my room and sobbed for about a half hour. It was difficult for Ivan to calm me. I told him about the conversation. My sister is a devout Catholic and her thinking reminded him of the nuns. He told me he doesn't believe what she said is right and that although he doesn't go to church he believes God wants us to have a family and is helping us. He thinks as long as we can try we should and that we shouldn't give up.

Although I tried to convince Ivan to go without me I got myself together and we went to my FIL's. It was a small gathering with only 2 children, who of course wanted Tia Liz to play with them. I snapped at Ivan's aunt who always greets me with "how's treatment going". Fortunately the night ended earlier then usual.

Christmas morning I went to church and felt better. I didn't have the joy and peace that they talked about but I know one day I will.

I'm off until Thursday and I've just been laying low...much to Ivan's dislike. I'm feeling down. On Friday will be 1 year since our ectopic. I can't help but think about all that has happened. What a year -- 2005 was full of so much pain, disappointment and sadness. I have to believe that 2006 will be better...for all of us.

Oh almost forgot, I got a LH surge on the OPK yesterday so I begin Lupron on Monday. I can't wait to start the cycle.

Hope everyone is doing well.

When Nature Is Not Enough
IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
About Me Name: Liz Location: New York I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. View my complete profile	Tuesday, December 27, 2005 One down one to go Christmas is over and New Year's is just a couple of days away. I'm so glad the holidays will be over. Christmas was okay. Christmas Eve I was feeling very down. Ivan was worried and took the day off. Although I appreciated the gesture I wished he had gone to work. I needed to be alone and he had difficulty seeing me moping around. Before going to my FIL's for dinner I spoke with my sister....what a mistake. The conversation was going well until we started talking about faith. She believes if Ivan were to go to church things might work out. She went on and on about how I need to leave things in God's hands and accept what happens. I told her I was doing that and she alluded that by continuing with IVF after this cycle I was not. She reminded me that there were other options and that maybe that is what God wants for us. I got very upset and ended the call. I went to my room and sobbed for about a half hour. It was difficult for Ivan to calm me. I told him about the conversation. My sister is a devout Catholic and her thinking reminded him of the nuns. He told me he doesn't believe what she said is right and that although he doesn't go to church he believes God wants us to have a family and is helping us. He thinks as long as we can try we should and that we shouldn't give up. Although I tried to convince Ivan to go without me I got myself together and we went to my FIL's. It was a small gathering with only 2 children, who of course wanted Tia Liz to play with them. I snapped at Ivan's aunt who always greets me with "how's treatment going". Fortunately the night ended earlier then usual. Christmas morning I went to church and felt better. I didn't have the joy and peace that they talked about but I know one day I will. I'm off until Thursday and I've just been laying low...much to Ivan's dislike. I'm feeling down. On Friday will be 1 year since our ectopic. I can't help but think about all that has happened. What a year -- 2005 was full of so much pain, disappointment and sadness. I have to believe that 2006 will be better...for all of us. Oh almost forgot, I got a LH surge on the OPK yesterday so I begin Lupron on Monday. I can't wait to start the cycle. Hope everyone is doing well. \| posted by Liz at 9:02 PM \| 10 Comments: Anonymous commented at 11:19 PM~ I'm not surprised by your sister's thinking. I'm sorry it was so upsetting. Sorry the holidays were difficult for you. I hope the next few days will be better. I know Friday will be hard. Thinking of you and wishing you well. Nico commented at 11:42 PM~ In my view, God created us with intelligence, insight, and the desire to improve our lot in life. How is taking advantage of treatments that come as a result of those gifts he gave us a bad thing? Why is it okay to have a heart bypass, but not accept help with reproduction? I'm SO sorry that your sister couldn't be more supportive of you, rather than lecturing. And that 2005 sucked so much. I also hope 2006 will be the year for you! Rebecca commented at 11:45 PM~ It looks like we're both updating at the same time... I'm sorry you had to endure that conversation with your sister, and on Christmas Eve no less. It's amazing how many people who have never experienced this think that they have the answer to why we are having such a difficult time building our families. God is not punishing you and Ivan because Ivan does not go to church. There are much worse things than not going to church, and if that was the way God worked, the human race would have become extinct a long time ago. I've struggled too with "Does God want us to continue treatment? Does he want us to adopt?" etc. I found a book called "Decision Making and the Will of God," and it's been helpful. I don't think "What if I miss all the signs and choose the wrong option?" so much any more - it's been freeing. I really hope 2006 is a wonderful year for you. There's been a lot of exciting news on the blogs lately, and I have a feeling you'll be joining them soon. Heather P. commented at 11:46 PM~ Liz, For me what I believe is that if God didn't want us to use the technology that we have to ttc then he wouldn't have allowed it to be invented. That is what I would be telling her. I would have been upset and ended the call too. It is a shame when family thinks they are doing right but really they are just hurting us terribly. I hope that 2006 brings peace and joy and many many blessings for you and for Ivan! Anonymous commented at 8:45 AM~ You are doing the right thing. We have to do everything in our power and have faith that God is helping us. Once we have exhausted all our tools, then there is nothing left but to ask God to take our problem from us and trust in His plan. Who is your sister to decide that God doesn't want you to follow through IF treatment? She doesn't know what God wants. I've learned SO MUCH in the 2 years I've been in treatment, not to mention the 7 years we've been ttc, that I'm a different person now. I see everything in a different way, and I know someday, when I'm further removed from all this sadness and pain, it will have made me a better person. Family is supposed to hold you up, not tear you down. I'm sorry your sister hurt your feelings. Come to think of it, she hurt mine too. I didn't mean to highjack your blog, but it struck a nerve. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Anonymous commented at 9:05 AM~ I'm so sorry to hear you are feeling so down. As for your sister, those are frustrating words to hear. People who are diagnosed with other diseases don't usually just leave it up to God to cure them. They seek medical treatment. And that's exactly what you're doing. I truly hope that 2006 brings the joy and peace that was missing in 2005. Good luck getting started on the Lupron! Anonymous commented at 10:48 AM~ So sorry about the conversation with your sister. It's so hard for people to understand what we go through. Although I do understand what she was trying to say I think she went about it the wrong way. It's impossible for anyone to say what God's plan for us is. All we can do is put our faith in him and believe that what we want will happen. Don't give up hope or faith that you will have a baby. Jenna commented at 11:52 AM~ Hey Liz, Sorry I missed your call yesterday. I was so sick, I think that is what my niece gave me for Christmas. I will call you later. I am so sorry about what your sister said. How can she say what God wants for you? It is so unfair of her.. does she not think that God works miracles through Doctors? Sorry I could go on about that for a while, I just can't believe that she told you that, of all people I would have thought she would have been there for you. I know this year has been so hard for you. 2005 was just a crappy year, on New Years Eve, I am going to do everything I can not to look back on it. I just want this year to be over. I am sorry that your Christmas was not very good, I really pray that next year is better. I really hope that you get your miracle. I will talk to you soon. Love, Jenna Allie commented at 3:14 PM~ Hi sweetie. Thanks for your comment on my new blog. I'm so sorry that your sister just doesn't seem to understand. I always thought that faith was supposed to speak to us personally, to help guide us once we've chosen our path, and to help us understand why bad things happen to good people. I always thought faith was a gift, a tool if you will, that we use when we're on the road less traveled. I'm sorry that your sister decided to lecture you rather than learn from you. Try to remember that this experience, no matter the outcome, is making you wiser than those who sit calmly on their pedestals in the dark. Thalia commented at 1:49 PM~ Oh liz i do so hope 2006 is different for all of us. Try not to let your sister get you down. She doesn't understand where you've been. Want to Post a Comment? back to main page
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