When Nature Is Not Enough
    When Nature Is Not Enough

    IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
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    About Me

    Name: Liz
    Location: New York

    I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.

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    Thursday, December 08, 2005

    Taking back control

    Last night I started rereading Water From the Rock. I had only gotten to chapter 4 so I figured I would start again. As I read it I started thinking how I have to take back control. I'm letting this negativity bring me so down that it is affecting all aspects of my life. I choose to use the phrase bring me down instead of depressed although I clearly have symptoms of it but I will get through it. I want to have hope again. I want to believe. I want to think that in the end everything will work out instead of thinking what will be will be.

    What sucks about IF is how it takes away so much control from us. We do all we possibly can but in the end it's not up to us. I hate not being able to plan and just relying on chance. Chance isn't always on our side and at times I feel it is my enemy. What have I done to get it to turn it's back on me?

    I had a long talk with Ivan and it helped. I read something I wrote and he was able to understand how I'm feeling. He admitted that he knew things were getting to me but didn't know how to help, especially when I was pushing him away. Hey, that's my MO...pushing away is one of the things I do best.

    I made a list of things that I will do to get me through this:
    1) talk to Ivan
    2) join a support group (that's a difficult one for me)
    3) exercise
    4) eating better (no more junk food     for me. I have to find a healthier way to cope with things.)
    5) positive thinking/affirmations

    So let's see how it goes.


    | posted by Liz at 10:05 AM |


    6 Comments:

    Blogger Sporty commented at 10:45 AM~  

    I have so much respect for you Liz. You are such a strong woman. You seem to be looking at IF and the effects that it has on you and those around you in the best way that you can. You will make it through this.

    I just wanted to let you know that I am and have been thinking about ya!

    Take care.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 5:04 PM~  

    Liz, I'm glad you are doing something to fight how you've been feeling. I know how hard it is and I have no doubt you will overcome this.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 9:48 AM~  

    Sounds like a good plan. Sometimes we need to get in a funk in order to get back up. Hope things start getting better soon.

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 3:31 PM~  

    I'm proud of you that you could take stock of your situation, and begin the motion to make changes. It's no easy thing, taking that first step!

    Anonymous Anonymous commented at 7:18 PM~  

    Glad you are taking back control...I know how hard it is. Wishing you the very best.

    Blogger Jenna commented at 2:37 PM~  

    I think the only thing to say is IF sucks!!!! I really truely does, it sucks the life, will, and hope out of everyone it touches.
    I would like to say though that even though IF sucks you are going through it very gracefully, you are such an amazing person, even at your lowest you are still incredible. You are hanging in there and even though it is small you still have hope. I admire you so much.
    I hope that things get better soon, I pray that you will have your miracle, and what a miracle it will be. You are always in my thoughts and prayers, sorry I haven't been calling as much, it has just been hard to deal with everything.
    If you need to talk I am here for you.
    Love,
    Jenna

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