- Name: Liz
- Location: New York
I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew.
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Monday, February 13, 2006
Why,What, How, When, Will ....
Why is this happening?Why can't I get PG?Why me? (yeah the self-pity is kicking in)What is the problem?How can we fix it?How do I go on?When will I be able to get PG?When will our dreams come true?When will this end?Will I ever be a mother?I have so many questions and unfortunately no answers. I've spent the last couple of days processing how I feel. I can't believe we got another BFN. What the heck is the problem? Maybe I'm never going to have a child of my own. I don't want to give up, at least not yet. I have to hold on to my dream because giving up would hurt too much.We're trying to be optimistic but it's difficult when we keep getting disappointments. Our quest now is to find out what is the problem. I know there has to be a reason as to why this last cycle didn't work. Nemo and Frosty were GREAT blasts and now they are gone. I feel empty, broken, and angry. I don't want reassurances I need answers. I had only told a few people that we were cycling and when I told them the news they tried to be supportive but then started with "well there's always adoption". I'm not ready, we're not ready to go down that road so it isn't an option for us. I can't give up and I won't.** Thank you so much for your comforting words and support. **
| posted by Liz at 10:11 AM |
15 Comments:
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commented at 11:20 AM~
I know this is a very difficult time for you and I hope you will get some answers. I'm glad you're not giving up. Remember we're here for you.
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beagle commented at 2:07 PM~
I don't have any of the answers that you need. I'm sorry. I wanted to stop but and let youknow you're in my thoughts.
This has to get better soon. It just HAS to.
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commented at 3:13 PM~
I ask myself these questions everyday. I wish I could give you some answers but unfortunately I'm still searching. I hope things will get better soon. Thinking of you.
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commented at 4:53 PM~
Sorry about your BFN. Hope things will get better soon.
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Portlairge commented at 8:22 PM~
Liz, I am so sorry for your BFN.I'm glad you are not giving up. It's hard when people give you advice about adoption, only you know when it's time to move on to the next step, whatever that may be.
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jude commented at 8:52 AM~
Keep asking the questions...there has to be an answer out there.
Big blogger hug to you.
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commented at 3:06 PM~
Liz, I'm sorry things didn't work out. I know you have lots of questions and feelings and I hope soon you will get some answers and some type of peace.
Hugs
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commented at 6:02 PM~
I used to think it was the incessant "why" of it all that was killing me -- but really, it's the whole package. Knowing. Not knowing. It's all horrible.
I hope you get answers soon. I'm so sorry that Frosty and Nemo weren't the answer to your prayers and dreams.
Mourn. And don't feel bad about it.
hugs.
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commented at 8:10 PM~
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all these difficult questions that right now, have no answers. I hope you are able to get some of them answered soon though. I'm thinking of you.
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commented at 7:15 AM~
There's a post that Tertia wrote a long time ago and just re-posted in the last few months, about her choice not to give up. You might want to look it up, I think it expressed much of what you're feeling. Do what you feel is right for you.
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Fertility Faux Pas commented at 8:35 AM~
I've asked myself these questions a million times too and I wish I had some answers for you. I'm just glad to hear that even though you are having such a difficult time, you are still fighting and refusing to give up. That tenacity will be rewarded one day and I hope that you get your answers very very soon.
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Linda commented at 9:15 AM~
I'm inecusably late to the party. Honey, I'm so, so sorry to hear that it didn't take. I wish I knew what to say to help you feel better. All I can do is send hugs and cyber chocolate.
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x commented at 9:44 PM~
We will be here to support you for as many cycles as it takes! I hope time brings you the answers that you need.
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Shell commented at 11:49 AM~
Hope your appt goes well today....been thinking about you!
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zhl commented at 5:43 PM~
I'm sorry there aren't easy answers to any of your questions. But somehow you will find an answer. Good luck on your search.
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