When Nature Is Not Enough
IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for.
About Me Name: Liz Location: New York I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. View my complete profile	Monday, March 27, 2006 Crawling out of a funk As I wait to start IVF #4 I realize that I am not in a place that I want to be. I am in a funk and it's taking a big effort just to do every day things. I am emotionally and physically drained...wiped out! Well things are back to normal and by that I mean everything is getting to me. I guess I could pretend for just so long. I'm trying my best to be positive but it truly is difficult. Sometimes it's hard to just find the strength to keep going on with this. I'm still a recluse.... I avoid everyone. I don't want to deal with my friends and hear what's going on with them. I don't want to be supportive when I'm angry with their lack of support. I'm tired of explaining and trying to rationalize why they don't get it. The truth is they don't and they never will. Lucky them they will never go through what I have been through. They won't know the pain of repeated disappointments. The loss, anger and sadness that you feel. They won't feel broken or empty. This is my life. This is how I feel all the time - down and angry. There is no glimmer of hope that all will work out. I'm eager to start the cycle and just end all of this. At least I can say I tried. I hate that I can't be positive. I hate that disappointment has robbed me of hope. I'm happy we have a new RE. I know he is one of the best and that he thinks ours is an easy case but it still doesn't make me feel better...no optimism. I'm preparing for failure before I begin. I've tried to talk to Ivan but he doesn't get it...the eternal optimist. I wish I could believe that all will be well. IF truly sucks!!! \| posted by Liz at 11:18 AM \| 16 Comments: Anonymous commented at 1:21 PM~ Liz, I'm so sorry about how you're feeling. I know how hard all of this is. I pray that things will get better for you and hope will find her way to you. {{HUGS}} Anonymous commented at 2:05 PM~ I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I'm thinking of you. Lut C. commented at 2:11 PM~ How sad is it that I have a good idea of how you feel, even though I'm still just doing Clomid. IF sucks big time. I do feel some hope when I think about moving on to other treatment options. But deep down I feel its just a matter of time until I find myself in your shoes. I long for all of this to be over and done with. I read that depression may aversely affect treatment and I'm considering whether I should go to psychologist. I hope you feel better soon. Anonymous commented at 2:17 PM~ I understand your pain all too well. Hope things get better soon. Anonymous commented at 3:36 PM~ I'm sorry to hear things are so hard...wish I had some words of wisdom. Be good and kind to yourself. Thinking of you. seattlegal commented at 5:00 PM~ I know exactly what you're feeling too. IF does truly suck. I hope things get better for you. Take care of yourself. Anonymous commented at 9:14 PM~ Oh Liz, I'm sorry things have to be so difficult. IF sucks and is so unfair. Lots of hugs to you and remember we're here for you. Anonymous commented at 9:39 PM~ The light will be back. That being said, I'm still a recluse. I have yet to talk to my friends. I have bad days often. But that dark, murky, muddy despair? It will clear. Soon you'll just be sad, and while that doesn't sound comforting, it does feel better than where you are now. I promise. IF does suck. I so feel where you're coming from. We all do. x commented at 10:04 PM~ Liz, I am sorry that you have to got through this. If nothing else, just have faith in your RE, hopefully he can prove his theory. The only decent thing about IF is meeting all these great girls. If sucks indeed! {{{hugs}}} Jessigirl commented at 10:32 PM~ I wish I could be there just to sit beside you and let you "be". I think it would help just to have some one there that understands, and while I haven't experienced IF as deeply as you have, I know what you need. It amazes me how all encompassing IF is. Before I knew what it was like, I would never have understood the breadth of it all. How everyday life is so affected. I really hope that one day this will all be a very real, but very distant memory, and that you will be able to share your journey with your child. ::::hugs:::: Fertility Faux Pas commented at 9:27 AM~ It's so hard to stay positive after infertility has beaten you down month after month. It's so hard. But you are still managing to find the strength to pull yourself together and cycle again. I think that is so admirable and brave. Hoping that things take a turn for the better soon. Thinking of you... Rebecca commented at 10:42 AM~ I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I think I'm in that funk right alongside you. You described it perfectly - how everyday things require a big effort. I don't know what to say to make you or me (or any of the rest of us dealing with this) feel better. I just hope things start to turn around for you and that the funk lifts very, very soon. Anonymous commented at 2:18 PM~ I'm sorry you are feeling so down...it is understandable after all you have been through. Hoping things will get better. You have proven to be strong and I know you will overcome this hurdle. Thinking of you and wishing you well. Jenna commented at 2:32 PM~ Liz, I am so sorry, IF just sucks so much and I am so sorry for everything you have been through, I know this last two years for you has been a living hell, and it is not far and it sucks so much!! I hope you know that I am here for you if you need to talk, I know it is hard for you right now because things just seems so bad. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs, Jenna I wish I was there with you to give you a real hug and then hand you some chocolate or alcohol - your choise Shell commented at 2:32 PM~ Just want you to know that I am thinking of you. Hope the light shows soon.... Nico commented at 5:55 PM~ IF does suck. Completely. And I don't think, after all you've been through, that there's anything wrong with feeling hopeless. But that's what us internets are for - to help you keep your chin up, and to keep the hope alive for you. Want to Post a Comment? back to main page
powered by Blogger \| designed by mela