There's nothing like a huge box of meds to kick you in your butt and give you a boost. The meds arrived yesterday. I begin Dexamethosone and Lupron on Monday. Once I start the injections I know I will start feeling not hopeful but more positive...you know what I mean. I keep reminding myself that this is a different doctor and a different protocol and it might actually work. Oh, please let it work.
I've had an "okay" couple of days. Ivan surprised me on Wednesday with an acupressure session....it felt so good. My arthritis has been acting up and my right arm has been hurting a lot so he thought it might help. He's annoyed that I won't get it checked but as I keep telling him I don't want to see any more doctors or take any more drugs.
As usual Ivan is supportive and optimistic about this working and of course gets annoyed when I start with the "what if's". We decided we will do 2 cycles although he's hopeful that it will work the first time. I know better then to be that optimistic. I wish I could feel the way I did when we met with Dr. S. I left feeling so optimistic, full of energy and hopeful. Now it's all about self-preservation and keeping my guards up. Hopefully as I move along in the cycle hope will find it's way to me.
Thank you for your encouraging words on my last post. Sometimes I have to hit rock bottom before I can get up and move forward. I will do my best to be positive about this cycle and not stress about the little things. I will try some relaxation techniques, including the IVF meditation CD.
I'm still in a funky mood and don't want to do much. I was considering ending the blog because I'm not in a mood to write. I'm tired of complaining about the same thing. I decided I will wait and hopefully have a happy ending.
So the fun begins....I'm preparing for what I know will be a very bumpy ride.
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x commented at 1:49 PM~
You don't have to write when you don't feel like it. I keep checking back on people, I don't give up if they haven't posted in a week. I know what you mean about hope vs positive. I am trying to stay positive but hope hurts. Hope reminds me that it's not a sure thing.
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commented at 4:29 PM~
Write when you feel up to it - we'll be here waiting for you. Do what you need to do to help you through the coming weeks. Even if your blog is quiet, know that we're hoping for you.
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commented at 8:01 PM~
I know how hard it is, especially being hopeful. Having a positive attitude is definitely good. Be good to yourself and remember we're here for you and wishing you the best.
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commented at 9:25 PM~
You're describing how I feel...it just sux. I know how hard it is to start a cycle and try to be hopeful. I'm trying to take it day by day and not lose it. Hope things get better soon.
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commented at 10:08 PM~
Being hopeful is sometimes an impossible task. We all know how hard it is and the need to prepare yourself for another disappointment.
I've done acupressure...love it...hope it helped.
Take it easy and remember we're here for you and are rooting for you.
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Kris commented at 10:09 PM~
I, too am in the Funk. And I'm struggling with the same lack of hope at this, the beginning of yet another cycle. Deja vu, all over again.
Wishing the best for you.
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Lut C. commented at 5:43 AM~
I agree with Jenny, though I must add we are interested to know how you're doing.
I don't do optimism and hopefulness very well either. A measure of positive feelings is necessary, but I'm no longer capable of blind belief that any treatment will work out.
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Thalia commented at 6:06 AM~
Don't beat yourself up for not being positive. You should just feel however you feel. Thinking of you.
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commented at 9:15 AM~
Liz, sorry things have been difficult. There is just so much we can take. Don't worry about not being hopeful...with all the hope we have for you it will soon find it's way to you. Take care of yourself and do what is best for you. HUGS...
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commented at 5:50 PM~
Wish I could bottle hope up and send it to you. I know it would help with getting started and being positive.
I know how hard it is to write about how you feel and not get consumed with the sadness and anger. Do what is best for you. Take care of yourself and remember we're here for you and are all wishing the very best for you.
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Jenna commented at 12:09 AM~
Liz,
I am glad that you are feeling a little better. I really hope that this cycle is it and the doctor really knows what he is talking about.
If you decide to stop writing I understand, i will miss reading your blog though.
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Mary Ellen and Steve commented at 11:53 AM~
I followed you here from a comment on my blog. I am sorry that this has been such a tough road for you. I hope that this cycle turns out better your previous cycles.
It looks like we are going to be going though this together since our dates are the same.
Good luck with everything!!
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commented at 2:50 PM~
Sorry to hear you're in a funk...I can relate to that. I know how hard it is to function. I hope as each day goes by things will get smoother and better for you. Wishing you the best with this cycle.
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Allie commented at 11:02 AM~
Liz,
Looks like we will be close in our cycles once again. I should start shots in about 3 weeks. I'm glad we can be cycle buddies again!
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commented at 10:13 PM~
I know it's hard to find the strength to believe that it can work. Know that many people are believing, hoping and wishing you much success.
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beagle commented at 12:37 PM~
It looks like we'll be travelling together . . . and fighting off the funk along the way!
Good Luck!
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Shell commented at 6:00 PM~
Hope that you are doing ok!! Thinking about you!!!!
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commented at 9:54 PM~
I hope things are better. Wishing you the very best!
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Sporty commented at 9:44 AM~
I'm really glad that you are beginning to feel a little more optimistic. You have a great husband...I am glad that he is there for you.
Take care and you are in my thoughts and prayers.
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commented at 2:48 PM~
Thinking of you and hoping things are better.
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commented at 3:39 PM~
I know how hard things can be. I hope things have gotten better and some how you can remain positive. Wishing you the best with this cycle.
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commented at 6:29 PM~
Liz, sorry to hear you are feeling down. I know how difficult this journey is. Hoping things will get better and you will get the strength and hope that you need. Praying this will be it for you.
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Jenn commented at 9:33 PM~
Just wanted to take a second to know that I was thinking about you - I know I don't post often but I read as much as I can....I can't wait for the day that I read about your success.
Ivan sounds like such a good man that loves you very very much.
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commented at 9:55 PM~
Liz, hoping your days are better. The best to you!
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commented at 10:19 PM~
Sorry about this emotional roller coaster called IF. Hope things will get better and this cycle will bring you your miracle.
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Heather P. commented at 4:18 PM~
I am hoping and praying for you!!!!!!
Heather