|
When Nature Is Not Enough
|
|
|
IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for. |
|
About Me
I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. 
|
Wednesday, June 29, 2005 Got My Protocol!!!
Went to the clinic and got my protocol and calendar. I am so excited...it is finally going to start.
So this is what it looks like: July 11 - stop BCP July 14 - Begin Gonal-F injections July 19 - Continue with Gonal-F and start antagon and menapur injections 36 hours before retrieval Ovidrel (hCG) injection Week of 7/24-7/30 - Egg Retrieval 3-5 days later - Egg Transfer and as of that moment I will be PG until proven otherwise!! You can't even imagine how excited I am. I have been waiting for so long and now it is finally going to start. I am too excited to be nervous and I refuse to be a pessimist. I will be positive throughout this!! Thursday, June 23, 2005 Tick Tock....
I feel as if the IVF clock has finally started. I did the baseline b/w and u/s and now I can begin. I’m doing the long protocol, which means I will be on BCP for about 2-3 weeks and start stims after that. Next week I meet with the nurse and pick up my prescriptions and then I order my meds. I am looking forward to that!! I can’t wait to get my "intimidating box". We did the injection class and Ivan was able to do a practice shot…not bad at all.
I am so eager to start. I feel as if I’ve been waiting for so long…hey I have been. I’m glad that I have processed all my feelings and I’m able to start with a positive attitude. I know that no matter what happens (- or +) I did all I can possibly do. I’m leaving everything up to God…finally understanding that it’s all up to him. Thursday, June 16, 2005 We Got the Green Light!!!
We met with the dr. yesterday and everything looks good. My FSH was 5.2 and Ivan's s.a. was good...his numbers were so good he was boasting he had "super" sperm. It better be super on the day of egg retrieval.
I left the clinic feeling so hopeful. I know we have a 40% chance of getting pregnant and 60% chance of not getting pregnant but I feel luck is on our side. Right now my odds are zero. If I get pregnant "naturally" it will be another ectopic so 40% is great to me! We just finished watching the Paula Zahn show. The topic was infertility. It was great to hear other people's stories, even those that were endless disappointments. I am feeling hopeful that it will work. I'm not a very religious person but this experience has strengthed my relationship with God and that is giving me the hope and strength to go on. I know that he is making this possible for us; therefore, I know he will help us. I know my baby is with God waiting for me. I'm crossing my fingers for twins... maybe they can play with Jenn's twins :) UPDATE: After all this I forgot to say when I'm starting... thanks for asking Ally. I'm waiting for AF to arrive. Hopefully it will be on Monday...I can't believe I'm anxiously waiting for it...IT BETTER GET HERE. I go to the clinic on CD 2 or 3 for baseline b/w and u/s and then I begin BCP on CD 3. I will be on it for 2-3 weeks and then on CD 21 I begin stims. I will get the protocol when I go next week and they will order the meds. I'm not looking forward to all the shots...OUCH...I'm such a baby. Sunday, June 12, 2005 A Poem That Gives Hope I found this poem on the internet and it gave me hope.  A child sat on Jesus' lap in the splendor of heaven. The child asked "Is it time?" Jesus parted the clouds, looked and said "No, not yet child." The child asked "When will it be time?" Jesus replied "When lessons are learned, hardships endured and loneliness lived, then it will be time." Time passed. The child asked "Is it time?" Jesus parted the clouds, looked and said "No, not yet child." The child asked "When will it be time?" Jesus replied "When maturity is reached, self-worth is affirmed and spirits strengthened, then it will be time." Time passed. The child asked "Is it time?" Jesus parted the clouds, looked and said "Their love is strong and their hearts are open - yes child now is the time - your parents are ready." We must remember that our babies are waiting for us and the perfect time to come into our lives. Thursday, June 09, 2005 Patience
The word of the week is patience. I couldn't help but smile when the girl said it. She explained that patience is "when you are waiting for something to happen and you can't rush it". WOW, does she have it nailed. I wish I could say I do.
I have tried to be patient but we all know how difficult that is. Patience means waiting and waiting sucks!!! I know I have to be patient and believe that everything will work out but sometimes I can't believe that. I think in the last few days I have become more patient and hopeful. I'm starting to understand that patience will give you hope. I don't want to dwell anymore on all the what if's. I am accepting what reality is and I'm moving on. YES, I'm moving on. As I "patiently" wait for AF and count the days until I start my IVF cycle I try to be positive. I'm trying to focus on the good and accept the bad. By accepting I can devote my time and energy on healthier things. I have spent too much time dealing with the difficulties of infertility and now it's time to focus on the journey that lies ahead. We must remember that no matter how bad things are we must have patience. Saturday, June 04, 2005 Courage
I forgot to post the word of the week: Courage
I smiled when the child picked the word and thought that it was very appropriate to what I am embarking on...I also took it as a sign. I know that with courage comes hope. If you have the courage to try something you are hopeful that it will happen. As much as I'm afraid and don't even want to think about the disappointment of IVF not working I have some hope that it might. I have to remind myself that this is my only option. I have no chance of conceiving on my own but with IVF I have a 40% chance so that gives me hope. I have the courage to..... - face my worries head on - listen to my heart - try to be hopeful - have a positive outlook - surrender this to God and believe that through him all things are possible So when we are feeling down and don't have hope we must have the courage to go on and not give up. Wednesday, June 01, 2005 Starting to feel hopeful
I am slowly starting to feel hopeful...finally. I think what helped the most was that I stopped pretending that it was all "okay". I focused on how I was feeling and let myself feel that way...even if it meant I was feeling sad all the time. I still feel a little sad but I know that comes with the territory.
I had my HSN today and everything looks good so we are set to start at the end of the month. I left the office feeling better...anxious because it is going to finally start. I received a great gift from my wonderful prayer partner, Cat. She sent me a fertility egg...that was all I needed to let me know that all would be okay. Some of us need signs and that was my sign. The next 2 weeks will help prepare us for what lies ahead. We have the IVF class next week, the medication class the following week and then we meet with the doctor who will inform us of the medication dosage and regimen. I'm going to take it one day at a time and try to be hopeful. I am going to try to identify one positive thing each day....I tend to focus on the negative and that sometimes blinds me from seeing the positive. Positive of the day: knowing there are people who understand and care. Thanks for your support and comforting words. |
