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When Nature Is Not Enough
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IVF will hopefully bring us the miracle we are waiting for. |
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About Me
I'm 37 and have been happily married since Sept. 2002. Ivan is truly my companion in life. Our TTC journey has felt like a never ending roller coaster ride. We had an ectopic PG in Dec. 04 and in April 05 found out my IF is due to tubal abnormality. We were told IVF was our only hope. July 05 we did IVF # 1 and it was a chemical PG. We did IVF # 2 in Oct. 05 and it was a BFN. In Jan. 06 we did a combined fresh and frozen embryo transfer and it was a BFN. We were determined not to give up our dream of having a baby. IVF # 4 was in April 06. The cycle worked like a charm and on December 20, 2006 we were blessed with Hannah and Matthew. 
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Wednesday, April 26, 2006 A dozen reasons to be hopeful
ER went well. I'm still sore and very bloated but it is worth it.
Fertilization report: 24 eggs retrieved 16 mature 12 fertilized normally 75% fertilization rate...that is the best we've ever done. Since we are participating in the study transfer will be on Sunday. Right now my lil ones are in midtown while their culture is on it's way if not already in Vegas. We won't get any details until Sunday. I'm hoping for 4 so we will have 2 to freeze but 2 will be perfect. He forewarned me that in the end there wouldn't be too many embryos left but to remember they would be "competent". I'm feeling hopeful in the sense that this is as good as it gets. This is the best cycle I've had and in terms of embryo quality this will be the best. I'm trying to be positive BUT of course doubt/fear always creeps in. I won't even get into "what if it doesn't work" and believe that it can. So for the remainder of this cycle I will be believing and preparing for a positive. I can't believe I can actually have positive thoughts with the negative person that I am but for now it's the best attitude to have. Sunday, April 23, 2006 Believing and hoping
I had a great appt this morning. Follie count 27-30. There were 3 measuring 20mm, 6-18mm, 5- 17 mm, 10 - 14-16mm, and the rest under 13. I am so happy about the response I have gotten. Dr. S is wonderful. At times I felt he was more excited then I was.
I trigger tonight at 9:30 and ER is Tuesday at 8. He gave me some very exciting news. Since I had such a great response and my uterus is a "perfect 10" I qualify for a study they are doing. It is egg competency testing to select the best embryos for transfer to the uterus. Unlike PGD which targets 9 of 23 pairs of chromosomes SIRM's new genetic technique allows to accurately assess all chromosomes in the egg and in one or more cells of the embryo cells (blastomeres). In a follow-up of their trial they were able to show that when even one "competent" embryo was transferrred to a receptive uterus, the chance of a viable normal pregnancy is greater than 75%, regardless of the age of the egg provider. To say the very least I was thrilled to hear we could participate. As he left the room he paused and said "you will be leaving here PG". If the door hadn't been slightly open and there were people standing outside I would have dropped my gown and hugged him. I could have cried from the excitement but all I wanted to do was get on the phone and tell Ivan the great news. It has been so hard for me to believe that this cycle could work. I've been trying to prepare myself for the possibility that we might not have biological children. I've gone to church and I've asked God to let me know what his plan is. I've asked for signs and I'm trusting and believing that this is a sign that we will have children. Saturday, April 22, 2006 Hello hope...I've missed you
Hope came to me in the form of 27 follicles. I could not believe it. Dr. S was also shocked by the amount of follies on CD 9. There are 15 measuring between 13-16 mm. I never imagined I would have that many. As I waited for the scan I kept repeating "10 will be good" but seeing 27 follies was unbelievable. Dr. S joked that I was better then the Easter bunny.
27 follies.....YAY!!!!!!!!!!!! I couldn't wait to call Ivan and tell him the news. I wanted to scream from the excitement. Of course he couldn't help but say "I told you so". I'm sure he was a little nervous but wouldn't admit it. As I walked down 5th Avenue I started thinking how this might actually work. I've been so worried and anticipating disappointment that I never even pondered the idea of a successful cycle. So right now I think I can breathe, reflect and feel hopeful....hey I have every reason to be hopeful. I go back tomorrow morning for another scan. The nurse said I might trigger tomorrow or Monday night....wow it's all happening so fast. Thanks for your support and kind words in my last post. A special thanks to Jenna and Jennie for the beautiful Reunion Heart necklace in remembrance of my angels. I will post a pic later (can't find my camera). Monday, April 17, 2006 Stimming away
They moved me up 1 day so I started Follistim 450 iu on Friday. I decreased it to 300 iu yesterday and started Luveris. I'm still on Ganirelex and Dexamethasone in the AM. Fortunately the irritability or shall I say Lupron horrormones have subsided. I'm still a little "crabby" but don't let anyone say that or I will leap on them. It was so much fun injecting at work tonight. Of course as I'm reconstituting someone knocks on my door and half my Luveris came out. I didn't have any extra so I injected what was left.
I have noticed some bloating and lower back pain. I started eating chocolate again ...oh how I missed my comfort food. I go on Saturday for my monitoring. I'm trying to be positive but I'm nervous. I have to remind myself that I tend to be a slow stimmer so I shouldn't be too disappointed if they measure less then 10. I'm still deciding what I will do on Friday for my EDD. Ivan is working and I'm sort of glad because I can use the time alone. It's been hard keeping a strong attitude when all I want to do is cry. He knows it's coming up but won't bring it up because he's worried about how I will respond. I know it's also a loss for him but I don't think it feels the same to him. Off to do some work. I can't log on to blogs but I can update my blog via email. Thanks for your support and sorry that I haven't been checking on you as much as before.....wish you all the best! Wednesday, April 12, 2006 Let the fun begin
Well the cycle has officially started. I stopped Lupron on Monday...thank God. The side effects were horrible this time. I was a royal bitch...very irritable and impatient. The hot flashes were also very uncomfortable. At times I felt as if I was in a sauna. One night it was 35 degrees and I had to have the air conditioner on. I went for my baseline monitoring yesterday and started Ganirelex. On Saturday I will start Follistim and on Monday start Luveris. My first monitoring will be on the 22nd. I'm eager to see what the outcome will be. I'm just curious if the change in protocol will improve things. Am I hopeful....NO. We spent the day at the zoo with Ivan's niece and nephew. There were times when I just wanted to cry. It was such a reminder of what I don't have. Next Friday the 21st would have been the EDD of IVF #1. As I was walking all I kept thinking was "I should be giving birth next week". I still wish it had been a negative instead of a chemical pregnancy....still feels like a cruel joke. I'm still angry and must admit I have a I don't care attitude about everything. It's hard to be happy. I'm drained...physically and emotionally. |
